Vacuuming floors was at the top of my hate list since university time. I believed there were many like minded people like me. If we were to hold banners and placards to show our hatred, scream slogans “ENOUGH! I QUIT!” , we were capable of filling up 20 soccer fields. We instead gritted our teeth, cut our tongues and we persevered. Surely someone in a little corner of our earth could sympathise with us. We waited and waited and waited. Holly smokes! The stars aligned! It is finally here! After 40 years! Stunning looking 12 inch round 3 inch deep robot that never asks questions, never answers back.

Now that I am in my vintage years, I declared my hatred of long haul travel by air. The economy seat isn’t built for my old bones. If only I can cut them one by one off , stack them tidily in a bag and plonked it on the seat. Of course, the fasten seat belt sign will be strictly observed. Upon arrival, every skeleton will be joined back like lego kits. Then I would have avoided a fight with my old man.

When the plane came to a complete stop, and every passenger was reaching for the overhead lockers, to my dismay, my feet had frozen and disconnected. I couldn’t wiggle my toes. I felt dead on arrival. Old man was ahead in the line while I hoppity-hopped behind. He turned and furrowed his brow, “How many times I told you not to leave your shoes off?”

“How many times I told you I am more comfy with no shoes? “. I raised my eyebrows.

We fought all the way to the immigration. The lady in uniform asked : “How long are you staying in London?”

Old man, “one week.”

“I am taking the next flight home!” , I said.

She stamped my passport with a deliberate heavy thump. With a smile, she said, “enjoy your stay!”

I have an idea. Let us old folks travel in a capsule. To get one, just ring through like über. With speed faster than light (is it very fast?), seats can be done without. Just simply step inside, and close the door. No no no, the door should close automatically. Inside there is a destination map with all the lovely touches and buttons. To launch, press e.g. “London”. The capsule might vibrate a bit due to compression? Or air pressure? (Am I right?). In a blink of an eye, the capsule arrives, the door slides open, automatically. You are greeted by an immigration officer, with a big smile, “welcome to London, mind your step!” If you are not a stingy bastard like my old man, you can have a deluxe door-to-door model, slightly expensive. Just type in the address. Without blinking my eyes….Hello, mummy and baba. We have arrived at our second son’s home in London!

Who would have brilliant thought like that, but me. You can throw away your neck pillows, headphones, and sleeping pills!

After a cup of English tea, old man started the lawnmowing, vroom vroom in the back lawn. I called this sort of energy hyperactive! Well, I didn’t want to get behind. He is keen. I am keener. Got to show my son, no matter how far away he is, his mum is indispensable.

What do I do? Ah hah, the electric kettle. The scale has already crept outside the top rim. I opened the lid. Mamamia! What horrific menacing growth inside? The limescale deposits stick horizontally like stalagmites. I have never seen any thing so hideous and offensive like this! Surely the water is not drinkable. The scale was too tough for scourer. So I revert to my finger nails. When my finger nails were filed completely away, that was when my son returned home from work. He just laughed.

Poor mummy. You should use vinegar!

The next day, carrying a groggy head over my shoulders, we headed for Chinatown. Lobster with noodles and the famous roast duck of Young Cheng restaurant. Restaurants in London Chinatown are typically cramped, and always full house. The first time I came to London Chinatown, smoking indoors was not banned. Cigarette smoke and good food do not go hand in hand. We occupied a table upstairs near the window. I opened the window for fresh, more like frozen, air. Very soon, I heard someone made a thunderous Ah Choo! Omg, I immediately closed the window. But very soon, someone lit up a cigarette and I, quick as a flash, ran for the window for oxygen. Ah Choo! Closed window! Someone would catch a cold. Smoke blew our way! Leave the damn window open! AH CHOO! I gave up!

Lobsters are cheap and delicious in London. This prehistoric spiny creature with such indignant menace, yet watered our mouths. I asked the Chinese waiter where did it come from. His reply: 海囉 (the sea)! I know you don’t pull out a lobster from the ground like carrots. Idiot!

What sea?

Scotland.

That’s better. I was so diplomatic!

After the big meal, we had a concert to go to in Festival concert hall. My eyelids were heavy. I found an unoccupied stone bench outside the concert hall and lied down, with my hood on, and very soon, zzzzzz

“Gentleman, I am sorry. You are not allowed to sleep here! This is a public place…..you have to leave immediately..yaka yaka…”

I rubbed my eyes, put my glasses back, pulled myself up. Who the hell woke me up. So rude! Oh, the security guard. Damn!

“O’right, o’right! I am sorry. I am not here to listen to your lecture. I leave now.”

The next morning at 6.40am, we had to fly to Amsterdam!